Life in Kansas

What a rollercoaster I have been on for almost two weeks. Most people would have probably gotten sick and thrown up by now! I'm excited, yet apprehensive. I had hoped that this day, this time in my life would come, I thought I was prepared. Im not so sure now! So much has happend since October 1st!

I'm still amazed and in a daze over the fact that she called. I don't think I could tell anyone much of what has happened over the last 12 days. I know I have been functioning, I'm alive, I still have a job, my wife still loves me and my kids don't hate me!

I've learned some about "our" son. I know he is a good man, has had some struggles in his life, is married, has no children, still lives in the town where he was born, is tall and has blue eyes. I hope I get to know more. I hope he lets me.

I have also been trying to catch up on 28 years. I have missed her, and him. I have wondered how they were, where they were, what they had become. Her life has not been easy. Knowing what I have gone through only makes it worse when I know that what she has gone through is so much more difficult. I didn't live with him for 9 months. I didn't get to see him, however briefly. I wish she had been able to hold him, to say good-bye, to tell him why. I hope she has been able to do some of that now. I wish I could take her pain away.

We talked for 3 1/2 hours last night, the second call in as many weeks. I hope there are more, I owe her to help her heal. I need her to help me heal. My wife and her husband have been wonderful through out all of this. I couldn't ask for better support. I hope they both know how important they are to each of us, how thankful we are for the support and compassion they share, the understanding they give. She has no desire to hurt my wife and I have no desire to hurt her husband. This is such an awkward situation, but we will survive it. If our trials make us stronger, we'll be superhuman after this!