A new day?

It's a new day, at least that is what my watch says. Actually it's been a long night, and I expect it will only get longer. I have prayed for some peace, some comfort, some understanding about why this had to happen now and why it happened the way it did. I have prayed for sleep. I have yet to receive any of that.

I have tried to sleep, I just lay there with my mind racing, I can't seem to slow it down long enough to get some sleep. It has been comforting, in a small way, to lay in bed. I can feel the warmth of my wife's skin and hear her breath as she sleeps. Two of the dogs found it neccessary to snuggle up against me, one of them, TC, got as close as she could, it was like she wanted to crawl under my skin. She layed next to me with her head on my arm and just snuggled. It was as if she knows that I am struggling. TC was rescued from a trashcan, hence the name, that someone had tossed her into after she had been hit by a car. I suppose she was given up for dead. When we found her, she had a huge area, about the size of a saucer, on her back that was nothing but raw meat. One hip was out of joint and the other leg was broken. We took her to the vet who kept her for a month while she healed. We took her home with a cast on her leg and the raw meat slowly healing. Today she is no worse for what happened. She seems to have decided that she wants to have fun and enjoy life, it is her second chance. She is loving and fun loving. She is very expressive, with large brown eyes that just look at you and beg you to pet her! She mothers the other dogs, especially Rosie, who is blind. Tonight she seems to be mothering me.

Even though I hurt and I am angry, I need to thank her for the time she allowed me to be back in her life and for the time she was in mine. It wasn't long enough, but I am trying to understand why, trying to see things from a different perspective. Maybe she will read this, maybe she won't, but I need to say it, need to get it off my mind, maybe it will allow me to sleep, to find comfort. I hope the same for her.

Everyone seems to think this is for the best, I hope so, even though it doesn't seem to be right now. I probably can't see through the pain and hurt very well right now, I hope that will change. I know she is hurting, too. I wish her only the best of everything, I have no bad feelings about her, nor will I ever, just about what has happened and how. Email can be so cold sometimes, so heartless, so easy to write and then click a button to send.

I hope this new day can bring some solace. It is a new day.......